Honest Review: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

The Nation prides itself in providing, you the reader, the most honest angle to any geeky story and cutting out all of the hype coming from the studios just to drum up money so that’s why when the godfather of the Nation, C. Harris gets up, goes out and pays his hard earn money to see a movie and then decides to write a review about it you know it struck a cord with him. Plus, you are not going to find a more HONEST review anywhere on this huge blockbuster then right here on The Dork Nation so with that here’s his review:

Where to begin…..
First off, any bad review over this film let’s me know IMMEDIATELY that they NEVER picked up a Justice League comic. Look, if you didn’t collect Justice League comics from the early ’80s to the early 2000s, then DON’T GO SEE THE FILM. I don’t like Victorian period films, so why bother spending my hard earned loot to go see one and immediately yell, “this is garbage.”

Second, the fucking film industry needs to revamp their rating system. How in the hell did this film get a PG-13 and Deadpool got a rated R??? There is just as much carnage in this film, hell, even MORE than in Deadpool, so you idiotic parents that love to take your newborns and 5 year old bastards to these films – STAY HOME!

What made me cream my pants the most is the director stuck as close to the comic as possible. I am so fucking tired of Hollyweird destroying good story lines just to please their egos and put their own personal spin on shit. If I wanted the director’s personal opinion, I would go to their house and sit down for story time. Don’t trash good stories already made. THIS DIRECTOR DIDN’T!!!

Some people will say “it’s way too long.”
Well, if you’re introducing new people or introducing people to form a group, there has to be a lot of back story given. DC Comic book heads will really appreciate that because it’s introducing ‘the glue’ of how a team is formed. That shit would have been RACHET as hell if they just threw them all together.

All the back stories were excellently done, which I haven’t seen done in years in any type of genre film. Even the introduction of AquaMan, who is hands down the lamest motherfucker in the Justice League. They were even able to make him cool. The Flash….well I don’t know about that one. I think that’s going to be massive miscast for the next film. However, HANDS DOWN THE STAR OF THE FILM WAS WONDER WOMAN. Now, I was so hardcore mad about Gal Gadot being cast as Wonder Woman. I even said bring back 70 year old Lynda Carter……pump her up with steroids and have her do stunts until she breaks both her hips of turns into dust. Gal Gadot played the SHIT out of that role and even got a standing ovation from the theater crowd at one point. That woman is a BEAST.

Now, if you now any history of the Justice League, they are like a mismatched family with a ton of personal problems. They have even disbanded around 10 times since the early 80’s because of infighting and they have been rebooted I don’t know how many times. The best reboot is from the late ’90s. Everyone is getting up in age. Superman takes time off and leaves town. Wonder Woman goes back her magical island. Batman, he retires around age 52 or 55, becomes basically a bitter drunk, that hates the world. This is where Ben Affleck shines. He was perfectly cast to play bitter ass Batman. HE NAILED THE ROLE. This Batman comes out of retirement and shines in the DC Universe. Why? Because this Batman doesn’t believe taking villains to Arkham Asylum. That motherfucker goes HAM on everyone that gets in his way and kills them. The body count for Batman is just as high as Deadpool’s body count. Seeing grey haired Affleck just destroying shit brought tears to my eyes. It was a work of art.

There is only one MAJOR problem I see them running into for this franchise – the casting of Lex Luthor. The casting director should have been hog tied and beaten for 90 days for casting Jesse Eisenberg. HE IS A FUCKING GARBAGE ASS ACTOR IN EVERY FUCKING MOVIE. Lex Luthor has always been tall, muscular, bald, and smooth. He’s the second greatest mind in the DC Universe after Brainiac (I disagree with this, I think it should be Batman because Batman has defeated Lex countless times). Jesse Eisenberg is a sniveling 5’5″, man midget, that plays the role of Lex Luthor as if he’s the Joker. Lex never acts like he’s out of his mind. That’s just not in his character. If you close your eyes and listen to Jesse’s acting…..I can’t tell him from the psychotic Joker at all. Just a total miscast and bad acting.

If you like old school DC comics golden era of the Justice League, you will LOVE this film. Would I see it again? NO. Too damn long. It’s like trying to watch the movie Titanic more than once.